I LEARNED this weekend that Facebook can break your heart.
My aunt’s daughter (my first cousin) got married, and neither my sister nor I was invited to the wedding. Seeing the photos of my other family members at the wedding made me distraught.
My mother and her two sisters all died from breast cancer. My aunt, SJ, was a sweet person. I could write a long story about her, our adventures together, and her children.
I thought I had a relationship with her daughter. Facebook gave me the false sense that I was involved in her life. I was a part of her virtual life, not her real one.
When I saw the photos on Facebook of her wedding, all I could do was cry — for hours. The last time I cried like this, I was at a funeral. I wasn’t happy for her at all. I couldn’t sleep. You never know when something is going to happen in your life that changes you and how you feel about the way you interact with your family and other people. This was that moment.
I ALSO FELT guilty. My mother would not have allowed this to happen.
I didn’t know what to do. I considered closing my Facebook account because I didn’t ever want to feel this way again. Wasn’t ignorance so much better?
I didn’t close my account because I’m participating in the 2015 New Quilt Bloggers Blog Hop, and we have a group on Facebook. Our hive queen, Terri Ann, explained to me that I could make my Facebook “private.” I didn’t know this. That’s what I did or at least it’s mostly private. Here’s a youtube video on how to do that.
I discovered Facebook and the overload of posts from acquiesces had weighed me down. I won’t be able to restore my relationship with my cousin, or the rest of my mother’s family, or at least I don’t think I will be able to at this point. Even though I’m an attorney, I wither when confronted by members of my family. It’s just better to hide, and Facebook allowed me to do that. And, I’m hiding again with my privacy changes. (I need therapy).
So I’m going to take my sour grapes and make wine — somehow. I just don’t know how. I’d love some wisdom from the crowd.
13 thoughts on “When Facebook breaks your heart, make wine.”
I agree Facebook can give a false sense of connection. It’s entirely possible her failure to invite you had more to do with HER than with you. Could have been any of a hundred reasons. Good luck with the wine making!
That is so stinky when that happens. They’ll regret it in the long run. What a wedding gift they’ll miss out on, huh?!
I asked myself what would my mother do — she’d send a gift and wish them well.
Wanda, Lately, I’ve been reading your posts via email and haven’t actually come to your blog. The new look is fantastic! Thinking about you!
Sorry this has happened to you . Is there any possibility it was a very small affair with no slight intended ? Part of my own extended family abroad has gone very “quiet” and i don’t know why. I too have cried buckets over this . Fb has been closed and emails unanswered . I have told myself it is something on her life not mine that caused this
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I thought it was going to be a small affair and that’s why I didn’t receive an invitation but the photos proved otherwise. And if there were limitations it would have been nice to have been given a heads up so as to avoid this unpleasantness. Ah, family, they can hurt you the most.
Thanks. It may be her and not me.
Wanda — so sorry to hear this story. Personally, I’m not a big fan of face-book and I think most people are way to free with their life details. On the other hand, face-book is the just the messenger. So what I’m truly sorry to hear about is a family connection that was not as close as you thought or would have liked. Perhaps that can be healed with time.
Grief heals with time and this feels like grief so it will heal.
I feel awful for you… I too understand that feeling. It is not weddings but birthdays that do me in. I have a cousin who never invites my sister and I (and her children) to his kids’ birthday parties nor do they come to my niece and nephews’ parties. It is sad that they do this. I feel bad for my sister’s kids but they don’t know and I just ignore the posts on facebook.
I’m not good at ignoring. It’s a skill I should cultivate.
Oh, Wanda! Hugzzzz to you. Can I just say that there sounds like more going on than a Facebook slight. If you are so sad, would it be better to go in person or talk to your Mom’s family before you leave them forever? Just saying, it can be lonely out here in life. There’s so much “hatred” and “ugly” in our world. Family can be so exhausting and exasperating at times but … praying for you to find a happy place♡
You are so right. I probably acted hastily on the Facebook changes. I have since spoken with my cousin and I promised to be more interested in her real life, not her Facebook one. Thanks for the prayers.